This entry has the potential to unnecessarily cause alarm simply because of the title, so I encourage you to stick with me to the end to avert any knee-jerk reaction. This Five Minute Bible Study is focused specifically on young men: guys, dudes, and bros. We need to have a little talk about dating and how we go about it. This talk is coming from a brother who has been guilty as charged, so don’t think I’m looking over my nose at you. Yes, I am a 26 year old, single, male who hasn’t been on a date in a while. My mother has given up all hope that I will get married, because of course, if you haven’t had four children by age 26 then you are going to die alone. And all the grammas I meet try to set me up with their granddaughter. Let’s just set the record straight up front; I’m 26 and single for a reason. This is not an advertisement of my singleness to get attention and solve that “problem.” This is a plea to my brothers in Christ to wake up and if needs be, stay single yourself until you get things figured out.
So, why exactly should you dump your girlfriend? I’m not advocating that every dude out there go right now and tell your girlfriend, “It’s not you it’s me.” But…if you find yourself in the situation I am about to describe, do it and don’t waste time either. On more than one occasion I have found myself dating a girl for the wrong reason. What was that reason? Here it is. You ready?
Lust
Lust is THE primary factor for many of the dating relationships in my past. Oh wait, I just got a news alert in from all guys everywhere! The results are dumbfounding! Guys everywhere are responding that they too are currently in a relationship singularly or primarily because of lust. For just a minute I will talk about lust in terms of physical attraction. (aka: sex appeal). Who would have thought? Guys date girls because they are physically attracted to them. Physical attraction is not in and of itself a problem. You are ideally physically attracted to whomever you eventually marry, but physical attraction should not be THE primary influencing factor of your dating or marriage pursuit. Who you choose to date will reflect if this is a primary or secondary factor. Regardless, here are several reasons physical attraction should not be #1 on your list of reasons to date a girl.
1. Beauty doesn’t last. “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised,” (Prov. 31:30). That Solomon guy is so smart. If you still don’t get the point, perhaps this humorous piece of wisdom will sink in, “Marry someone who can cook. Looks fade but hunger doesn’t.” Obviously, I’m not endorsing hunger as the primary motivating force for dating and marriage either, but you get the point.
2. Physical beauty has absolutely no correlation to spiritual beauty. A girl can be the most beautiful creature on earth, but inside be full of dead men’s bones to use the words of Jesus. When I talk about the inside, I’m talking about the pursuit of purity and dignity and the personal desire to reflect the image of God in every part of one’s life. A girl can even be beautiful, kind, caring, generous, bla-bla-bla, but even that does not mean she has a love for God and His kingdom. Even still, there a many dudes out there right now who are dating a girl saying, “I have fallen in LOVE,” but what has really happened is they have fallen in LUST. Voddie Baucham Jr. admirably details and rebukes the modern definition of love- “a random, overwhelming, uncontrollable, sensual force that comes and goes on a whim,” (Family Driven Faith). That is a definition of lust, not love. Pull your head out of the ground and face the facts. You are in lust, and in a few months or years you will realize this sensual, whimsical force has dissipated and you are left with a spouse who has no concern for God, His kingdom, your spiritual wellbeing, or producing multigenerational faithfulness. Like I said at the beginning, I have personally awakened to this reality in the past. I dated girls in college and even the church, and the number one reason I dated them was lust. I would tell myself otherwise at the time, only to look back afterwards and realize what it was. Lust is so powerful that it can dupe you into viewing the harlot of Proverbs 7 as the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 just long enough so that your life is forever changed, and not for the better.
3. You are sending a message to all the girls in the church who are trying to pursue purity and dignity. This is the biggest reason on my list for why you should dump your girlfriend who is beautiful on the outside but spiritually empty on the inside. I don’t care if the girl goes to church! There is a singular factor in any girl you date which speaks louder to what you value as a “Christian” man more than anything else. Here it is. You ready? Dress. You are welcome to tell me it ain’t so, and you are welcome to be wrong. I say that tongue-in-cheek of course. Nonetheless, if you pursue a girl who dresses suggestively, wears tight clothing that accentuates her figure, wears little to no clothing when the sun comes out, or wears anything to draw undue attention to herself, you have broadcasted to the entire world and every single Christian girl most importantly, where lust holds rank in your book of values. Listen, I am a guy. I have been there. And I have talked to enough other Christian men, young and old, to know that you don’t date the girl with the short skirts and skin tight jeans for what’s on the inside. You are dating that girl because you have dirty thoughts and desires, and she satisfies those desires first and foremost. After those sensual desires are satisfied by her appearance, then…maybe…she has some spiritually redeeming quality for which there is potential to work with. Look me in the virtual eye and listen, what you see is what you get 99% of the time. If you aren’t spiritually attracted to the girl you are dating now, it’s a pretty good chance there isn’t going to be anything to attract you spiritually when you get married. But I have gotten sidetracked from the main point here. That is, the Proverbs 7 woman you are dating is sending a message to all the girls in the church trying to pursue purity and dignity, “If you will start looking and acting like this chick that I am drooling for, then I’ll show you some attention.” I am ashamed of my youth whenever that message was sent from the life of Aaron Battey. It grieves me when I see young men get up in a pulpit, preach about modesty, nakedness, how girls should dress, etc., only later to see on social media that they apparently don’t believe what they preached. If they did, they wouldn’t be holding hands or embracing what looks like a harlot. Come on guys, we have more horse sense than that surely. Your entire life is a sermon, not just the pulpit moments. Stop preaching to girls to look and act more like the world before they can get your attention. If that means you need to be single and stay single until your mind has endured a spiritual renewal, then do it.
One last thing, because I know there will be the usual internet vultures who make the same old arguments about dress and modesty, and that’s all they got from this brief. So let me make a disclaimer to the guys about how we dress. Dress, modesty, and nakedness is a two way street. I know many young women who struggle with pornography and lust just like we do. When you wear jeans and slacks so tight that I can count the threads on your whitey tighties, it’s time to get a new pair of pants. The skinny jean and short shorts era has been resurrected as an insult to fashion, but more importantly as a stumbling block to young women. It’s just as bad when we flaunt around our butt and thighs. So, long story short, take your jock clothes to Goodwill and get some new ones. If you can’t afford it, tell me and I will give you the money for some new jeans. Seriously though, this is about more than a soap box or putting people in their place. This is years of personal shame and now concern for the young men and women of the church. Go right now and dump that girl with dignity. Just do it.1.
