Paul’s Dating Advice-
In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul shares perhaps the longest discourse on the subject of sex, marriage, and singleness. This chapter is one of the most controversial, doctrinal battlegrounds on the matter of divorce and remarriage. But my interest is in a snippet toward the beginning where Paul directly addresses single folks.
“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: it is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Are you single? Paul is saying in his historical context that it would be better to stay single. His reason for saying this is the “present distress” of v. 26. I am thoroughly convinced the present distress was referring to a specific time of very real and severe persecution for the Christian faith. Paul wasn’t advocating singleness as opposed to marriage for the sake of more freedom and frozen pizzas. Nonetheless, there is timeless meat and taters to be drawn from Paul’s dating advice here. In search of the meat, we have to pick out the bones. So, let’s get to the bones.
The Bones
It is my opinion that 1 Cor. 7:8-9 has been unfairly twisted and misrepresented in justifying pre-mature, foolish marriages. Consider a scenario: a guy named Haventgot Selfcontrol and a girl named Shortsighted Vision have been dating for a month or two. Both have urges and desires they are having difficulty constraining. They’re trying to be pure; at the same time, they don’t know how much longer they can hold out. Based off this crude introduction, it is a fair assessment that neither one knows the other enough to get married and label it a wise decision. They are naive as all-get-out, and the only reason marriage has entered the picture is because they are “burning with passion” as Paul says. Being dead set on marriage, their parents and the preacher respond with Paul’s words in 1 Cor. 7:8-9. “I reckon it would be better for you two youngins to get married than to fornicate,” the preacher advises, summarizing what he thinks is the application of the passage. I call this reasoning “bones.” When you’re grubbin’ down on some good barbeque ribs, you have to throw out the bones. This is one application I advise you to throw out.
The Meat
If the former application is correct, then Paul is essentially saying, “Well, I know it’s not ideal, but I guess if you can’t control those animal desires, it would be better to be the fool from Proverbs as opposed to the prostitute.” In Proverbs, the fool marries a man/woman based on lust and outward appearances (6:25-26) while the prostitute sleeps with the person he/she isn’t married to (6:15-20). Is Paul encouraging Haventgot Selfcontrol and Shortsighted Vision to be foolish and marry before they are ready so as to avoid sleeping with each other prematurely? While many well intentioned people have suggested this application, I submit that the Holy Spirit has never encouraged anyone to be a fool any more than He has encouraged prostitution.
I believe the meat is this: when Paul says, “Let them marry…” he is not suggesting two naive, short sighted novices rush and get married to avoid sexual impurity. Remember, he is NOT giving dating advice to Haventgot Selfcontrol and Shortsighted Vision. Paul IS giving advice to men and women who are calculating the physical costs and benefits of being married in an environment where one spouse could be used as bait by the government in getting the other to deny Christ. For example, if two people were married, there was the likely chance that an imperial guard would break down the door, stick a blade to the wife’s throat and tell the husband, “Deny Christ or she dies!” This is a lot easier question for a pious and single Christian to answer, but not a married Christian who will have to replay the scenario in his head over and over for the rest of his life. See 1 Corinthians 7:29-35 as evidence for why I hold this view.
In short, Paul is not advising lusty stallions in their naive youth or foolish adulthood. Paul is advising Christians at a peak time of persecution: Christians who have a strong desire for a life partner and possibly children but an equally strong desire to live unyieldingly to Christ.
Conclusion
Friends, family, everyone- please do not encourage young people who are not ready for marriage to make a binding decision that will permanently affect their future peace, success, posterity, psychology, and faithfulness to God. It is better to live single to God than marry the wrong person foolishly. Instead of quoting and misapplying 1 Cor. 7:8-9 to young people about to make the worst decision of their lives, try your best to discourage them. Chances are slim they will listen if you discourage them. On the other hand, chances are 100% they will foolishly marry if you encourage them. The Holy Spirit never encouraged foolishness: neither should we.
